WARNING!
Extremely
obscene!
Here is the transcription of the South
Park video "The Aristocrats."
Some words are partially
masked with the symbol "#" or "=".
(In the scene the following characters appear,
from
left to right, Stanley "Stan" Marsh, Eric
Theodore Cartman (EC), Kyle
Broflovski (KB)
and Kenneth McCormick;
the first and the last one stay silent. Note that KB is a
Jew.)
EC:
You guys wanna hear a funny joke my
Grandpa told me?
KB:
No.
EC:
Okay. The- this family walks into a talent agency. It's a
mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. The father
says to the talent agent,
"Sir, our family has an amazing act. We know
if you would let us perform it for you, you would want to sign us."
And
the talent agent says,
"Sorry, we don't sign family acts. They're too
cutesy."
But then the mother goes,
"Please, sir, if you just give us
two minutes, we know you'll like our act."
So the talent agent says,
"All right, you've got two minutes."
The family jumps right into it.
The mother smiles and points to the son, who hits "Play" on a boombox.
Thrilling circus music starts to play as the father spins his daughter
around, bends her over, lifts up her skirts and starts licking her
a#shole.
(Stan's jaw drops)
KB:
What??
EC:
Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth,
and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and
starts s#itting all over him.
KB:
Dude!
EC:
Hold on! Hold on. The father grabs the baby, takes off his
diaper and starts sucking his c#ck, right? While the son, still with
his mother's s#it in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny
little b#lls.
KB:
Dude.
EC:
Hold on, Kyle. Now the mother lays down on her back on the
floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts p#ssing all
over. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it
head-first back into the mother's v#gina, while the daughter's p#ss
rains down on all of them.
KB:
Dude, just stop. It-
EC:
They get the- towait. Hold on, Kyle. They get the baby
halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and
flailing around, and the son takes the mother's s#it out of his mouth
and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his
c#ck in the baby's a#shole and f#cks it while it's still inside the
mother, until he c#ms all over the baby, the wife, the son and the
daughter.
KB:
Car-Car-Cartman, I don't want any-
EC:
Kyle?! Will you hold on, please! Then the father gets up
and says,
"And now for our impersonation of the victims of
9/11."
And
the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with
their d#cks and t#tties all flapping around, covered with p#ss and s#it
and c#m, goin' [falsetto]
"AAAAAaaAAAAhhh! AAAAAaaAAAAhhh!, the
building's comin' down! Heeelllppp!!!"
[normal] And finally the family
runs back to the center of the room and goes,
"TADAAA!!"
And the talent
agent, he just sits there for the longest time, and finally he says,
"...J=sus, that's a hell of an act. What do you
call it?"
And the
father says,
"The Aristocrats!"
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